Dear Hiring Manager:

Thank you for your letter. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of corporate candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals for employment.

Despite your company's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then. Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.


Sincerely,
Alex N. Yates

p.s. I’ll see you on Monday around 9-ish

The New York Times ran an article today entitled "April Fool! The Purpose of Pranks"

Synopsis: Recent research suggests that the experience of being duped can stir self-reflection in a way few other experiences can.

At the end of the article the questions was posed: What was the best April Fool's Day prank you've ever been involved with?

Here is what I posted.

In 2006, shortly after my fiancee and I announced we were getting married in Costa Rica, we took on a roommate to help pay for our destination wedding. Our parents expressed support but also a little hand wringing on such a drastic location selection.

At the time we were renting a house in San Diego from our friend who was living on the coastline with his girlfriend. I awoke on April 1st and told my fiancee that our landlord/friend had broken up with his girlfriend and was moving back into our house ASAP! Not only would we not have the added income to defray wedding costs, we would now have the burden of our untidy friend. She was skeptical and called our friend whom I got to admit it was all true over the phone and then hung up abruptly because he was "so upset." After an hour of the "what the crap are we gonna do?!" the look on her face was pricess when I announced "April Fool's!"

One thing I'm surprised that no one has covered is that once you fool someone, they want to then fool someone else. No one wants the LAST laugh to be on them. So...

My bride to be called up first her parents and then my parents and let them know that due to her job then at the San Diego Zoo that she was being transferred to Shanghai for a one year stint at the (fictional) "Panda Institute." I worked for an international business school that just so happen to have a satellite campus in Shanghai and I could transfer too. Both sets of folks were excited and congratulatory but then posed the question, "what about your wedding in Costa Rica next March?" We answered that we'd just have everyone fly there instead! Stone cold silence. We pressed on. After talking up how neat it will be for everyone to learn mandarin and get shots to prevent against SARS we finally let them off the hook with a big "April Fool's!"

They were then so happy to join us in Costa Rica where we all had a great adventure together without any pranks.

Hello! Please excuse me. Unfortunately, due to a relocation I’ve been out of a job for a while and my public speaking skills are *ahem* a little rusty. So I felt compelled to get a little help.

I went to the book store and got just what I needed: “Mad Libs for the Best Man.” I thought we’d make this a group effort. This is a MadLib Wedding Toast. I’m going to need verbs, nouns, and adjectives. Just shout out answers as I call for them.

Okay someone give me a boy’s name! (Jacob) Okay good one, now how about a girl’s name? (Deborah) Great this is working like a charm! This thing writes itself and well worth the .95 for any future Best Men out there.

Wedding Day Mad Lib

1) Boy’s name (groom Jacob)
2) Girl’s name (bride Deborah)
3) Special Occasion (wedding)
4) Emotion
5) Emotion
6) Verb (kiss the bride)
7) Body part (lips)
8) Internal Organ (heart)
9) Duration of Time (lifetime)
10) Type of Drinking Utensil
11) Adjective (“happy” couple)
12) Adverb [ends in –ly]


Here’s to the happy couple - the handsome groom _Jacob_and the blushing bride _Deborah_. We join you here on your special wedding day. A day filled with feelings of _joy_and _panic_.

As we stood here to witness the climatic moment when the minister declares you may “_kiss_ the bride” and Jacob kissed Deborah on the _lips_, which he told me tasted like _pure cane sugah!!!_.

We all knew then in our _hearts_ that this was going to last _forever_ . So raise your _glass_ and join me in wishing the _happy_ couple a wonderful life together and that they live _legally & happily_ ever after.

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Before I get started with a toast for the bride and groom, please be sure to fill your glass as I share some acknowledgements.

I happily thank everyone who came from near and far to be here. In life it’s not the destination but the journey. Personally though, coming from chilly Chicago, I would argue that sometimes it’s the destination that makes the journey worthwhile. When traveling you sometimes realize that it’s not the place but the people that makes it special. Judging from the great group gathered here tonight you’d have to agree that we have the best of everything for this very special occasion.

Special thanks to the bridesmaids and groomsmen - smashing job! I don’t think Deborah or Jacob noticed during their vows the Navy SEALS doing exercises storming the beach – bravo! Way to fool people with your smiles and tears. They say love is blind; lucky for us it’s also averse to Special Forces maneuvers. A testament to our military, Ho-ah!

A very BIG thank you to the parents of the bride and groom – Carol Holmes and Noah and Nancy Yates for their generous hospitality this week. You’re all wonderful parents who have invested so much of yourselves into raising a daughter and a son who have made a lifelong commitment today to share that abundance of love that they received from you. Their love for one another is a testament to a lifetime of YOUR time, energy, and love; you should be very proud parents today and all days. Cheers to you!

Growing up we had a big group of friends that we affectionately referred to as “the gang,” like “the gang’s all here.” Many of these friendships grew out of countless hours together in scouting. For those who don’t know or forgot, Jacob is an Eagle Scout, as are many of our friends. You don’t ascend the trail of becoming an Eagle Scout without sharing a lot of adventures together with friends over much of your childhood.

Many of my parents’ friendships were forged over 25 years ago from this gang of friends. Because of our parents and their group of friends, my brothers and I are still closely connected to friends we’ve known since elementary school.

Over these many years the “mother’s grapevine” kept us connected as we learned what our friends were up to. It’s a special feeling to get married and look out at familiar faces who are there to watch you kiss the bride when they knew you way before you even had your first kiss. So an extra thanks to my folks for making sure your sons are still surrounded by people who are a good influence on us.

I’d like to thank the groom, my big brother, the Big J, Jacob Yates for asking me to be his best man and share in this celebration. It’s a great honor and privilege to have stood by you today and to be the first to toast you and your lovely bride Debra.

Jacob was the oldest kid in our gang of friends so he had the benefit and burden of being first in a lot of things. Now normally, being the first to do things as a kid is great! With it, however, comes responsibility. It seemed that often people watched and learned from how Jacob handled things, using his experiences, both good and bad, to either follow his lead so their kid had a bit smoother path or to try it another way.

Trailblazing brings with it a few nicks and scars. It certainly leaves you open to second-guessing by those with the luxury of time to sit back and remark “well I would’ve done it this way instead.”

I have always looked up to Jacob because he’s my big brother AND because I was a witness to the many trails he worked hard to blaze from which me and many others greatly benefited. It’s not surprising to me that he studied geology because I’m sure he had more than a few pebbles in his shoe along the way.

I love you bro and know that I will always look up to you as I try to follow your example of what it means to truly lead by example.

I would be remiss if I didn’t say that I also love my brother because he knows how to dream. And dream big he does! Now as a parent when you go around the dinner table and ask your kids, “so what do you wanna BE when you grow up?” you expect vague answers like (Nick) football player, (Greg) pilot. You do not expect matter-of-replies of (salute!) “Moon Base Commander!”

One Christmas when Jacob returned home from D.C., my dad asked the question and Jacob’s serious response made food fly out of our mouths and drinks shoot up our noses when he stated that he wanted to boldly go where no one else had gone before, working as a (salute!) “Moon Base Commander!”

Now growing up Jacob was into astronomy and always wanted to be an astronaut. Well I wanted to be a soccer player but at some point you realize it just ain’t gonna happen and you go find something you like, or you’re good at, and go with that! But when Jacob got a job referral from Sally Ride, the first female astronaut, you shut your mouth and support your big bro who wants to be an astronaut! And if he wants to be a (salute!) Moon Base Commander will then God Bless ‘Em!

However! Jacob thought this through more than you think. See, he grasped the fact that a Mission to Mars would require a lengthy trip of several years and would make a bit of a dent in any relationships he might have cookin’. So he “settled” on a more commuter friendly gig in (salute!) “Moon Base Commander.”

Jacob realized that there was a trend toward space travel getting privatized; that colonies on the moon are very likely in the coming decades; and if there’s a moon base, well then by God they’re going to need a (salute!) Moon Base Commander!

So cheers to my brother, the man with his head in the stars and his feet on the ground. The Eagle has landed! Cheers bro!

Lastly, thank you to the bride, Debra for allowing your husband, my brother, to ask me to be one of his best men. I know that sometimes my rambunctiousness makes you fear what crazy antics I might do to possibly diminish this very special day [pause for effect]

Debra, you are the epitome of the beautiful blushing bride and know that I will always do my best to make today as memorable as possible. I never had a sister until now and I’m proud to welcome you to our family.

Some of you may not be quite familiar with Deborah. I know some things about my new sister-in-law but not a lot of things, so I did some research. Please forgive me brother, but, I Googled your bride and found a few things I thought everyone should know. Knowing Deborah you would NOT be surprised to learn that she graduated first in her class last year from Law School [applause], first in earning her M.B.A., AND also first in her class for her undergraduate degree. This is a woman who obviously takes pride in working hard, getting her facts straight, and doing her homework.

When she first met Jacob and he’s modestly sharing his life story about his younger days as a trailblazing Eagle Scout, his commitment to his country as a Naval Officer, and of course he had to mention his inevitable role as (salute!) Moon Base Commander, Deborah was, well..., skeptical. So she did what any woman would do before pursuing a restraining order, she smartly did her homework to verify that he’s the real deal. Was he too good to be true?! Deborah Googled my brother and discovered that this guy IS an Officer AND a gentleman.

Not being a woman who settles for second best, she wisely made sure that Jacob pulled his head out of his astronautical dreams and has had him sharing the moon and stars with her ever since.

So raise your glasses to the happy couple! May you trail blaze new paths together and always do your research to ensure that you get nothing but the best that life has to offer. The love you two share puts you in a class all your own!

CHEERS TO THE HAPPY COUPLE!

Sharon and I got up on Saturday morning and headed downtown to see the annual dyeing of the Chicago River green by the plumbers union. Then walked over and saw the St. Patrick's parade, pretty impressive! They even had unicorns. Real ones I think. (yeah huh!)

Afterwards went to a pub for a pint but the prices and crowds sent us home to nap and enjoy a quiet evening together.

Funny, on the bus to the parade sat a family out visiting from... San Diego!!! 'Tis the luck of the Irish indeed!

Dyeing of the Chicago River - Alex's footage

Parade footage - Sharon's footage

Cheers and Love laddie!
Alex

Sharon Dewar, new Director of PR for the Lincoln Park Zoo, gets TWO front page stories from The Chicago Tribune bookending St. Patty's weekend! She's on fire!!!

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Caring for the zoo's senior citizens
Specialized treatment keeps some animals alive much longer in captivity than they'd ever survive in the wild

By William Mullen
Tribune reporter
March 17 2008

Veterinarian Kathryn Gamble sat next to a table in Lincoln Park Zoo Hospital the other day polishing the big, sharp teeth of an anesthetized black leopard with bubble gum-flavored toothpaste.

Visit ChicagoTribune.com

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So many chimps on TV, so few in the wild
Chimps used so often by media, many people assume they aren't endangered, study finds

By William Mullen
TRIBUNE REPORTER
March 14 2008

Movie producers and advertisers have long relied on chimpanzees comically dressed as humans to entertain their audience, but scientists say the practice is bad for chimps not only as individuals but also as a species threatened with extinction.

The complete articles can be viewed by clicking the title.